When my baby was about a year old, a well-meaning relative said “Is she a good baby? Does she sleep through the night?”

“No she’s not a good baby at all! In fact,  she’s a very bad baby! I believe she’s purposely keeping me from an uninterrupted night’s sleep.”

That’s what I should have said.

But instead I just said, “Well, err..not yet.”

In truth, she was nowhere near sleeping “through the night” and several months later, she’s still waking at night and I’m still nursing her as she sleeps next to me in bed.

“Really? Not yet? Hmmm…” Her raised eyebrows said it all.

This relative is from a generation in which co sleeping, babywearing and extended breastfeeding were all frowned upon (as AP moms know, they still are in many circles ), but the idea that babies should be “trained” to sleep through the night at an early age still dominates conversations and bookshelves.  Sleep “training”  books, videos and articles are everywhere.

(Check out askdrsears.com for the best advice on all aspects of attachment parenting, Dr. Jay Gordon has some good advice too).

Why don’t more parents consider that if it’s so difficult to get a baby to sleep through the night, perhaps they SHOULDN’T be sleeping for long periods of time without waking and feeding?

Here’s a link to a terrific essay by Kathy Dettwyler that explains my philosophy on this issue much better than I can.

I admit that my sweet girl’s repeated requests for “boo” throughout the night can be trying.  Yeah, and sometimes I long for just ONE night of eight (six anyone?) straight hours of sleep. But I’m convinced we would not be as closely bonded nor would she be as healthy, calm and well nourished had we opted for solitary sleeping and early night weaning. And I would be missing out on all these precious nights of parenting and bonding with my baby.

One thing I’ve learned since becoming a mother is that every needs to make choices based on his/her family’s needs and values and only listen to others to a point. I’m sure co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding don’t work  for everyone. However, I think it’s time to think about infant sleep patterns in a new way, not just in light of the desire to get an uninterrupted night’s sleep.